It is inevitable in the industry I work in that people complain. Food is important, and expensive, and people are increasingly particular about both the meals they eat and the service they receive in pubs and restaurants across the country. This, for the record, is a good thing.
As a chef every time a meal is sent back, or a customer is dissatisfied, it hurts. You see, with cookery you get immediate feedback for the work you do. There is no angry email to send or evade, no bureaucracy to soak up the rage. Just the cold fact that you just fed someone something you made, and they didn't like it. It is hard not to take these criticisms personally, and as a result many chefs (maybe the vast majority) are very defensive, and are adamant that it is not their fault. Ever. The flipside of the coin is that if you do your job well, people tell you immediately. I still feel a surge of pride if someone has said compliments to the chef. It is the best part of the job.
Even the most exclusive, high-end eateries receive complaints. Perhaps given their clientele and the sums of money being spent they actually get more disgruntled customers. Whatever the case, the poor soul usually caught in the crossfire when a customer complains is the innocent waiter. They are the ones who have to inform the kitchen (chefs definitely are guilty of shooting the messenger) and then translate the chef's barrage of swearwords into 'I'm sorry sir, the chef apologises and regrets he overcooked your steak, we will replace it immediately' to an increasingly testy table. Being a skilled waiter is a job that is grossly underappreciated.
Sometimes the complaints are absolutely justified, sometimes they are absurd, and often people are fishing for freebies. Below is a list of my all time favouritecomplaints.
1- That's lamb's liver, not calve's liver
This was enraging. Liver and bacon was on our menu, and it was calves liver. Even when shown the packaging from the butcher, and a liver that is actually bigger than a lamb, the customer was adamant. Of course, the customer is always right.
2- This bacon is too bacony.
What??? I remember when the waiter came back with this information my head chef at the time almost had a nervous breakdown. How do you deal with a complaint like this?
3- 'It was too much food.'
Well don't eat it all then! Indian restaurants must get this all the time.
4- 'I wanted it rare with no blood.'
There are no words. I'm a chef, not a magician.
5- 'My food is cold.'
A pertinent remark, you may think. After all, you expect your food to be hot. Well, it was hot when the customer received it a whole hour previous to making this complaint.
6- Serial complainers.
A peculiar breed, these people have frequented every restaurant, cafe, pub and hotel I have ever worked in and cause the staff misery on a regular basis.They come in so often they must enjoy it, (or suffer from a strange form of masochism) yet they moan and complain on every visit. When your job is to give people a good time, these people make life very difficult. If the food and service is flawless they will find some minute detail to whine about (the plate isn't hot enough. It's a salad.) Part of me thinks perhaps such people enjoy demeaning those who serve them, or think that spending their money gives them carte blanche to behave like tools, but who could be that cruel or moronic?
7 -Anybody who doesn't eat gluten.
Not strictly a complaint, but I wanted to put this out there. Now people who have a gluten intolerance get a free pass and my utmost sympathy, as physically not being able to enjoy pizza or scones or sandwiches or cake is a tragedy.
These other anti glutenites and their bandwagon jumpers however, make chefs lives a living hell. 'Do you have gluten free cake?' No. No we don't. I dont understand why bread, which is an art in itself, has fed us for millenia and comes in myriad, awesome forms - from soda to pitta, foccacia to bloomer - is suddenly touted as a bad thing amongst foodies, health nuts and ladies who lunch. It is madness. Gluten is good! Rant over.
8- Anybody who tries to substitute salad or vegetables on a dish for more meat.
It doesn't work like that! You can't compare lettuce to chicken. It makes a mockery of the food chain and basic principals of business! Again, this isn't strictly a complaint, so as this post is in danger of becoming a chef's and restaurateur's edition of the panel show Room 101, I'll call it a day
Sadly so true, but remember 95% of us punters will, in a stoic,repressed british way,eat a boiled swamprat and assure the waiter that everything is fine and it's the best meal we've ever had: Under no circumstances must we let on ther was something wrong with the meal, we'll ever overcompensate on the tip to make sure we get out of the resteraunt without causing any fuss.
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