Throw Away Your Guidebook!

That's it! I have dumped my Lonely Planet. finally, ridding myself of the hefty tome that practically every gringo burdens themselves with. I have had enough. Lonely Planet, you officially suck. Now, time for a rant!

In bus stations across the continent you see tanned gringos with their ludicrous hippy trousers that they wouldn't be seen dead in back home, all dressed the same, "free spirits" poring through the same guidebook which tells them all to go to the same places. They rely entirely on their little book, so there is no adventure left in their "adventure". Lonely Planet is a slayer of spontaneity. What hostels to go to, where to eat, how to walk around a city, all dictated to you by the didactic book in your backpack. But guess what, the whole thing is a swindle. The listings for hostels, for example, are completely arbitrary. Places that are excellent are left out of the book, whilst the institutions of the crumby Hostelling International organisation always get a mention, despite Lonely Planet's firm assurance that they do not indulge in the unsporting practice of supporting other organisations, and are completely unbiased. Whatever.

Another gripe of mine, is that Lonely Planet is badly written. The tone shifts from deadly serious to pun-ridden text, and the writers are obsessed with superlatives. The fastest this, the highest that, the deepest blah blah blah. Every single place is "magical," or "wondrous." Every site, every city, is so hyped up that being underwhelmed is depressingly common when you arrive in a new place.

This wanderer's Bible, that has the power to make or break restaurants, hotels, even entire towns, is also terribly inconsistent. One case in point is Lake Titicaca:

       In the Bolivia section of the book, it says "Lake Titicaca is often wrongly described as the highest                         navigable lake in the world."
       Then, in the Peru section of the same book, "South America's largest lake is also the world's highest navigable lake."

What drivel! Give the editor a slap, and give the person who thinks "highest navigable lake" is a worthy accolade a slap too.

Another case is Buenos Aires, which apparently has the best coffee of any capital, and pizza to rival New York or Naples. Well, the coffee tastes like sweetened piss, and I had that opinion seconded by many Italians, and I've had better pizza in the Bolivian jungle. 

On this trip of ours, every highlight has come without the aid of the Lonely Planet. The caves in Tilcara we heard of by asking locals, and I felt like a bona fide explorer of old as we scrambled up to them, panting under the baking sun, sweat dripping into the dust. The town of San Pedro, near the Iguazu waterfalls, unmentioned in the backpacker's bible, and so devoid of backpackers. The lakes near Perito Moreno that we discovered by letting Tash get behind the wheel of a car and just drive around. All without the help of a silly book. Jack Kerouac and company didn't need guidebooks, the genuine hippies in the sixties didn't need to be told how to get to India, they just jumped in their magic buses and drove. And I too have decided that I no longer require the services of Lonely Planet. I am firing my guide! A footnote in my tirade is that the book is also bloody heavy, so I want to get shut of it!  

So, Lonely Planet, you have rested on your laurels too long, and this traveller has had enough. In the bin you go, you inconsistent, uninformative, downright lying book of loo-roll. Good riddance! And I urge other travellers to do the same thing...have a real adventure, don't be told what to do by a book! You might just discover something you didn't know about, or find a town you hadn't planned on visiting, or sleep in a bed you didn't book via the book. If you get stuck, every single town has a tourist Information centre, and the people who work there are happy to help, and know what they are talking about. So, wandering gringos, I beseech you, throw away your guidebook!