I am so proud to live in Britain. I am proud of our multiculturalism, our tolerance, (some of) our history and our fish and chips. I am not, however, proud of our current football team or (most of) our politicians. It is the latter bunch of snobs parading around Westminster that have caused me to write this blog.
With an election around the corner and immigration a hot topic as always, Robot Overlord Cameron (aka our Prime Minister) and his weasel chums constantly espouse something they call 'British values.' Miliband does it too, and Nigel Farage of UKIP is arguably the best at making this nebulous concept sound credible. It is a tagline that panders to unthinking idiots.
We, as Britons, they want us to think, (white Britons only in the case of Farage) share an innate core value system. Cameron and his Tory elite, in their Downton Abbey fantasy version of England, think the poor know their place and everything has a natural order. Regardless of birthplace (as long as it is on this sceptered isle apparently) class or religion we Britons all feel the same about such disparate things as family...blah blah blah.
What a load of old smelly bollocks. There are no exclusively British values. Farage prances around sinking pints and shouting about family values, not-so-subtley insinuating that over the channel the French all eat their offspring and Britain is the last bastion of civilisation in a world where in 'foreign parts' terrorists lurk, cackling and doing evil.
My point is this: what politicians call 'British values' are actually universal values. I have been lucky enough to travel extensively and have witnessed firsthand the following: Everybody loves their family, the vast majority of people want to work hard to improve their lot in life, everybody who is fortunate enough to live in a democratic country likes it. Being British has nothing to do with these global values. What separates us as Brits is the idiosyncrasies. If politicians had any sense, they would latch onto the quirks, not values, that make Britain Great:
1: Queuing. We love a good queue. We have the best queue etiquette I have ever seen. Have you been to a country where they don't queue. Carnage. I once saw a queue form in Reading and the people didn't even know what they were waiting for! They just saw a line and stood in it, like human Tetris blocks. That makes me surge with pride.
2: Royalty. Love 'em or hate 'em, if you feel something towards our Queen and her fam, you are definitely British. Foreigners tend to think it's cute that we have a royal family. Some Americans I have met genuinely believe the Queen is still in power and makes laws.
3: Sense of humour. This is the big one. The thing I think that defines us as Brits. Our ability to take the piss out of any situation, to mock ourselves, our friends and our enemies relentlessly. To view the world through a sarcastic lens that helps you realise and cope with the absurdity of it all. We are a nation of towering comedy talent, and I don't mean professional comedians. Every Briton has at least half a dozen mates who are hilarious. Britain is without doubt the funniest country I have been to, and it is a defining feature.
4: Apologising. We excel at apologising. Sorry is likely one of the most uttered words on this island in any given day. What do you do if someone walks into you on the Tube. Say sorry. A lady gave me change the other day, a jumble of coins and no notes. She said sorry - and it was a sincere apology, as if she'd just run over my cat - before adding, 'at least now you possess every coin in the realm.' Magnificent.
A bloke was buying his train ticket and I was behind him in the queue (only in Britain). When he had finished his transaction, he turned to me, apologised and scurried away. Why did he apologise? Because he's British.
I live in Egham, a village in Surrey that in the last twenty years has grown to such an extent that it now could be considered a small town. It is the site of Holloway University and is 30 minutes by train to central London. As such it is home to many young students and professionals. Many of these people are foreign, and meeting them makes me realise they too display these quirks that make us British. When people say immigrants are changing Britain they may be right. But people forget that Britain changes them. This - tolerance and interchange - is what makes me proud to be British.
Maybe if our politicians mentioned some of these traits of ours they would seem a little more human, and British, come election day.
